[The way he says it makes him smile. It makes him hope there will be a future. They'll figure where to go and what to do now that almost everyone is together again. He can look that man he'd been sharing his grief with for years and say they made it. It'll be hard, of course. People lost five years either to grief or non-existence. That can't be wiped away. Steve can see himself walking out with the family he lost to make way for a spouse and little kids. It feels good.]
Yeah... yeah. [He laughs softly, barely checking a sob. God he really wants to cry. This is all too much. If he starts again, Steve can't be sure he'll stop. He holds it in.] I don't think I can fit four people into that apartment. We'll need something bigger.
[ overwhelming emotion is a state bucky's intimately familiar with. he's always tried to repress his own feelings; a lifetime ago he would swallow down all the fears and anxiety that his friend's failing health provided in order to stand by his side and cheer him on. now, after everything he's done, the warped shape he's been twisted into, bucky just doesn't see a place for his grief, it's shoved down deep every time it dares to rear its head, fought against with all the ferocity of a howling commando and trained assassin combined.
steve's, however. if anyone deserves to let it out, it's steve. after all he's lost over and over and over again. he really wants to get down tending to his injuries so he could offer that hug. it may last right up until they have to go. ]
We'll figure it out.
[ he nods again. he'll make do with anything, he's not worrying about where he'll rest his head at night - though he knows steve would want him to have his own bed, it's just not critical to him. he can just as easily sleep on the street or find some abandoned corner. all that really matters is that in the morning he'll be able to wake up and walk to steve's door. ]
We will. [Steve agrees. He knows that for sure. He may be choking on grief, but it'll pass. He survived losing so many already. As much as it pains him, Steve knows he'll survive losing Natasha. As for Tony, well, he got used to losing him over the years. This break is simply more permanent than all the rest.
Steve sits in silence as Bucky finishes closing up the worst of his injuries. The serum will deal with the rest as they both know. His skin hasn't bore any scars since before the serum.
He only gives the bandages a quick once over before reaching over to pull Bucky in his arms for that hug. His hold is hard and unbelievably desperate. It's almost like he's afraid he'll crumble into dust or something.]
[ neither one of them is a stranger to loss; it makes them treasure what they get back all the more, and bucky leans into the hug with equal fervor, only taking it easy on steve with the unforgiving hold of his vibranium arm.
at first glance, the separation was easier on him this time, he was dead, he didn't feel it. but coming back into a world of steve's grief is worse. bucky could never atone for the crimes of the winter soldier, but steve? steve has nothing to atone for. if bucky could take on that suffering in his stead, he would have. maybe not quite in a heartbeat - but in two; one would be skipped anyway at the very thought of living in a world without steve.
after a few long moments pass, bucky pats his back, mindful of the location of the worst of the injuries.
despite everything that was lost, all the time wasted..they're here now. they're here together. it's far from perfect, and the people they're missing hang over their heads, but it's more than either of them thought they'd get, and it's enough for bucky. ]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-05-20 07:52 pm (UTC)Yeah... yeah. [He laughs softly, barely checking a sob. God he really wants to cry. This is all too much. If he starts again, Steve can't be sure he'll stop. He holds it in.] I don't think I can fit four people into that apartment. We'll need something bigger.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-20 08:06 pm (UTC)steve's, however. if anyone deserves to let it out, it's steve. after all he's lost over and over and over again. he really wants to get down tending to his injuries so he could offer that hug. it may last right up until they have to go. ]
We'll figure it out.
[ he nods again. he'll make do with anything, he's not worrying about where he'll rest his head at night - though he knows steve would want him to have his own bed, it's just not critical to him. he can just as easily sleep on the street or find some abandoned corner. all that really matters is that in the morning he'll be able to wake up and walk to steve's door. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-03 10:29 pm (UTC)Steve sits in silence as Bucky finishes closing up the worst of his injuries. The serum will deal with the rest as they both know. His skin hasn't bore any scars since before the serum.
He only gives the bandages a quick once over before reaching over to pull Bucky in his arms for that hug. His hold is hard and unbelievably desperate. It's almost like he's afraid he'll crumble into dust or something.]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-04 05:14 am (UTC)at first glance, the separation was easier on him this time, he was dead, he didn't feel it. but coming back into a world of steve's grief is worse. bucky could never atone for the crimes of the winter soldier, but steve? steve has nothing to atone for. if bucky could take on that suffering in his stead, he would have. maybe not quite in a heartbeat - but in two; one would be skipped anyway at the very thought of living in a world without steve.
after a few long moments pass, bucky pats his back, mindful of the location of the worst of the injuries.
despite everything that was lost, all the time wasted..they're here now. they're here together. it's far from perfect, and the people they're missing hang over their heads, but it's more than either of them thought they'd get, and it's enough for bucky. ]